School and University
Have you ever heard the expression, “Friends come and go”? I certainly have. I guess it’s because you meet friends through all the different stages of your life. Some of those friends you may fall out with, grow apart from each other, or even lose contact with. Ultimately, there will always be that one friend or a group of friends who will always be there, no matter what.
Although I feel this way now, I never did before. Growing up, making friends was difficult for various reasons. One reason was having to take time out of school for hospital appointments, surgeries, pamidronate infusions, and more. Taking time off school was never fun, but when one of those appointments resulted in months out of school, I struggled to settle back in. My biggest struggle was with my friends rather than my studies. I would see them move on with their lives and make new friends. I was always happy for them, but part of me always wondered, what if? I remember thinking at one point in my childhood, “Will it ever get any easier? Will I ever have friends?”
When I started university, making friends became much easier. I met people from different walks of life who were surprisingly understanding when I spoke about my condition and explained what I could and couldn’t do. These were friends who would send me their notes to help me catch up on work, help me understand assignments when I missed lectures, have interesting scientific discussions about various topics in our course, and most importantly, fight for my accessibility.
One example was during my second year of university when the lecture room was changed at the last minute. The good news was that there were two routes to the new lecture room, but the bad news was that only one was wheelchair friendly. Unfortunately, that day the lift was broken, and there was no other way to get to class. So, I waited by the stairs to let my friends know that I wouldn’t be able to attend. When they found me, they immediately stopped and wondered why I wasn’t in class. After I explained the situation, they all decided to sit on the stairs with me until the lecturer came. When the lecturer asked why none of us were in class, my friends said, “Without Niveda, we’re not coming.” The lecturer had no choice but to find a different room so I could attend. Although that day, the lecture started about 30 minutes late, I did end up attending it.
Workplace Friendships
After graduation in 2022, everybody went their separate ways, but we still try to keep in touch. I started searching for jobs and landed a part-time position at my local library in January 2023, the same local library where I had volunteered for six years before getting the job. So, I already knew the colleagues I was working with.
Exactly a month later, we had a new colleague start named Bethany (Beth). Beth was shadowing me and one of my other colleagues I felt quite anxious. I wondered if she would understand my condition and my needs. It was lunchtime when Beth suddenly asked me, “Do you want to have lunch with me?” We spoke so much, and I remember telling Beth how anxious I had been about meeting her. At the end of the day, we walked home together. Well, I walked Beth to the station, which was near my house. The following day was pretty much the same—we met at the station to go to work, and I dropped her off afterward. During those walks, we always talked, getting to know each other better.
Our first trip out together was lunch at Wagamama and a movie at the cinema. I remember Beth being so accommodating, making sure I was comfortable with everything from the location to the type of activity we did. This continued right up to my birthday.
On my birthday, Beth planned a huge surprise for me. I ended up meeting her at London Bridge, where we did a lot of things, including getting our nails done and visiting the Tate Modern. At the end of the day, we had a lot of bags, including my presents and leftovers from lunch. Beth decided to drop them off at my house. I think it was probably the first time she met my parents and my little brother. My parents asked her to stay for the cake cutting, and we had a lovely evening together.
Making Friends at BBS Events
A few weeks after my birthday, I saw an Instagram post by the BBS, asking to register to attend the BBS AGM 2023. I remember really wanting to attend, and when I asked my parents, they wondered who I would take with me. I immediately thought of Beth. By then, Beth was someone I completely trusted and was open with, but most importantly, Beth was someone my parents could trust too.
At the AGM, my friendship with Beth grew closer, and I formed a new friendship with Serena and Thines. Although I had met Thines before briefly at the London Mini Conference in 2022, I didn’t really know him or spend much time with him. However, this time I was determined to stay in touch with Thines and Serena after the lovely time we all had at the AGM.
Soon after, we all arranged to go bowling. I was totally rubbish at bowling, but I had very good company, so I thought it doesn’t matter. I had always used the ramp to bowl in the past, but when I saw Thines bowl without using the ramp, I wondered, “Could I do that?” I wanted to try, and when it was my turn, I used a lightweight bowling ball and succeeded. There was a moment in the game when I thought I would miss knocking down the pins. I was facing my friends when they all started to shout, “Niveda, turn around!” So, I did, just in time to witness a strike—the only strike I made in that game. Afterward, I created a group chat so we could all stay in touch and called ourselves Team Strike.
Friendship Groups
While Team Strike was being created, another team was forming at the same time: The Dream Team. The Dream Team was created at a festival near where I lived. Beth and I decided to check it out, and we invited two of our colleagues from work. We stumbled upon a quiet wellbeing room where we sat and chatted for hours. It was nice to see each other outside of work and talk about something other than work. We really wanted to do it again, so we did, and this time we added another colleague. Once again, we found ourselves having fun for hours. The Dream team is always expanding with new colleagues from our workplace.
The Value of Friendships
Although Beth and I stay in touch with The Dream Team and Team Strike and try to arrange regular outings and meetups, something unexpected happened at work around Christmas. I was discriminated against. Beth and I were going to be working on reception together, which is rare – extremely rare – at our workplace. The day started well, but after lunch, I was discriminated against. Sadly, discrimination is not new to me but that doesn’t make it any easier; surprisingly, I was prepared for this one.
Without going into the details of the incident, usually, when something like this happens, I am alone. But this time, I had Beth, who had probably witnessed discrimination for the first time. She was upset and frustrated that she couldn’t react as she wanted to. Her reaction was completely normal and what I expected. I thought it was sweet, a friend willing to stand up for you. This gave me a new sense of appreciation for our friendship.
Fast forwarding to a couple of weeks before my 25th birthday, Beth started hinting that she wanted to arrange a party for me. I never grasped the concept of her hints, so she ended up having to confront me about it. Anyway, I said yes. She asked me who I wanted at the party, and I said everyone in Team Strike and The Dream Team, as I had really wanted them to meet one another. I also wanted my brother there, and I extended an invite to Beth’s boyfriend, Theo. All I knew after that was to keep 7th April free. When that day came, I was surprised and happy that everyone came, but what surprised me even more was that my brother also came. It was wonderful to see everyone getting along and we all had an amazing time.
To be honest there are so many stories I could talk about but and we could be here forever. However, having a very close friend like Beth means the world. We are there for each other no matter what. I have learned what lifelong friendship really looks like (shoutout to The Dream Team and Team Strike!). These are the friends I can spend hours with and lose track of time whenever we are together. These are the friends you will never want to lose contact with and I am so grateful for the friendships I have built.
